Way Down in China Town

For the first time, I actually liked my job today! Maybe it was that I was wearing a new dress, walking around on a beautiful fall day, or maybe I'm in some state of denial?

I spent the majority of the morning teaching my new intern (yes, an intern for an intern), and the afternoon wandering garden districts, China Town, and anywhere else I could find alternative materials. I was on a hunt for plastics, vinyls, canvas, anything not traditionally used as fabric I could get my hands on.

Maybe it was the chill in the air, or maybe it was the lack of text messages from my insistent boss, but something about having any creative freedom gave me a spring in my step. I felt, for the first time in ages, like I was actually using my brain. Throughout this experience I have been doing only what other people tell me. 'Go to fabric stores!' 'Go pick this up!' 'Go drop this off!' 'Go!' 'Go!' 'Go!' I hardly ever have a moment to sit down and think...I am in a constant state of do.

So, today I was able to zone out, listen to music, and do what I do best...

IMAGINE.

Browsing through gardening stores, plastic stores, art stores, and hardware stores.I had a chance to imagine what I could make out of any of the items on the shelves. There is a whole other element to 'alternative' material pieces. In my mind it is the most artisitic. It becomes three dimensional works of art...more than just something pretty to wear, and if it can accomplish both, even better! Regardless if anything I found makes it to the runway, I enjoyed my gasp of fresh air, mango bubble tea, and afternoon of feeling the artist within. This was the New York that film makers, musicians, writers, and artists are drawn to...this was the New York people dream about.

Central Perfect

I woke up today, a perfect fall day, and was determined to head straight to Central Park. I wanted to have a taste of what I used to experience every day in Bloomington, fresh air and seasons changing. I used to relish my twenty minute walks to class, skipping through falling leaves, sliding through 4 inch snow, and gazing at blooming flowers. Now I see dirty pavement, sky scrapers, and homeless people no matter where I go.

Alone, a little chilled, I sat on a rock in Sheep Meadow. I watched children frolicking, couples picnic-ing, people marrying, and more. I drew for an hour or so and listened to music. It was during this time that I put together what would be my perfect Sunday afternoon. I decided to share it with you in hopes that one day it will become a reality....

I will wake up to a crisp fall or spring day, with a bright and sunny sky. There will be a lover by my side, and we will venture to brunch with or without friends. I will inevitably be eating near the East Village, so a short wander to markets or stores will be in order. The afternoon will be spent picking up wine, cheese, bread, and whatever else takes our fancy before heading to Central Park. At the park I will be met by a group of friends hanging out and listening to music. Then, right as I am heading home, my lover will accompany me for a hot chocolate and good night kiss.

I can dream, right?...

Nightmare on 39th Street

In the spirit of Halloween, the 'keep the garment district alive' protest, and my slight delusion (from excessive amounts of cold medicine), I have been fantasizing about how fabric shopping could easily become a creepy horror movie...

I am often walking into run-down fabric stores on 39th street. The slums of the fabric stores, when compared to the likes of Mood or B&J. The neon signs above the door are not unlike a sketchy bachelor bar or strip club. I wander through narrow passages with bolts of fabric lining my way, and seek someone, anyone, that may be there to help me. Often I am left to scavenging on my own, or the opposite, which is more like bargaining. On more than one occasion I have been expected to follow a man, who barely speaks English (or pretends not to), with freshly sharpened scissors, between rolls of fabric, along a small corridor, and into a back room. Could this be where young female interns are taken, cut open, and dropped in a room somewhere below the pavement?...

Today I happened to be on one such scavenge when I saw a stairwell leading to a floor below the store, completely blocked off with ropes. Is that where the young missing interns are kept during the day, and maybe brought out at night? Or, in another shop there was a dark stairwell leading up to what appeared to be an attic, despite the fact that this store is on the ground level of at least 10 floors. Is that 'attic' another missing girl...or boy location?

Is it just Halloween that triggered my observances of these little nuances today, or am I just hoping to be the victim of one of these stories? The latter is a fantastical idea when you are unhappy, lonely, and sick...however I'm going to leave the story writing to Steven Spielberg and hope my life doesn't really end up this way.

Lone-Star-State

People say 'If you can make it in NY, you can make it Anywhere.' What I want to know is how does being lonely, broke, and cold mean you are 'making it?'

Last weekend most of my University friends were back at school celebrating together, and I wish I could have been there. I have come down with some kind of cold and am hoping it's not swine flu or worse, but then again I do ride public transportation multiple times daily. And, when you see a woman literally holding a pigeon in Soho it does make you wonder how sanitary just about everything in this city is?

I can't seem to wrap my head around the concept, that there are so many freaking people in such a small space....yet, I have so much trouble meeting new ones. I understand that you can meet people through work, but considering how little time I'm actually in the office, that most of the women I work with are not my age, and that what few men are around are mostly gay...I'm not really doing myself any favors in the match making department and even friends to have drinks with after work seem slim. I have a few individual friends in the city, the majority of which have all entered serious/some-what serious relationships within the last month. So, with that said....I'm Lonely.

It's been knocking on my door for a few weeks now, but with friends visiting and warm air still outside I was pushing past the 'lonely-newcomer-feeling.' This is a feeling not unknown to someone who went to school a 13 hour drive away from home and dance camps in a different city every summer. Within the last week the temperature has dropped 20 degrees and there's no doubting that the lack of a 'big spoon' (i.e. someone to cuddle with) is setting in.

I am undeniably lonely and can't find a solution. I spend time with old friends and hop on any chance to meet new ones, but everyone here is on their own agenda. There is no group of friends to settle myself into, or other random newcomers looking for people to play with. The other problem is that most activities such as eating, drinking, movies, theatre, museums, and shopping which comprise NY life (esp. in winter when the parks and wandering aimlessly become treacherous) cost serious bucks. Fun things I would do to occupy my time alone or with someone else have suddenly become off-limits, or at the very most only done in moderation.

So, when time is not on my side, do I look for a new hobby? Do I start handing my number to locals on the subway each morning, like one friend suggested? Or, do I continue trucking along until fate lends a hand, or my time here runs up?

A Road To Know-Where?

I have recently been absorbed with thoughts regarding my path in life. These thoughts have made me aware that so many of the mediums I surround myself with, are all about this process. The journey, is a story I have understood since studying stories like 'Beowolf' and 'The Odyssey.' I have always seen myself nurtured by mentors and walking across thresholds. It just never occurred to me that during the most controversial time in my life I would notice how few answers there are, but how many other people have asked the same questions. 

My inspiration for this came due to a recent Jimmy Paige obsession paired with imagining why the man sitting next to me at lunch today was eating a large chocolate chip cookie and reading Harry Potter. Fables like Harry Potter, Hansel and Gretel, Alice and Wonderland all hint at the same theme...finding oneself, or one's way. The entire Potter series is based on Harry's objective at finding where he came from and who he is. Hansel and Gretel are lost and find out the kind of people they are when their lives are in danger. And, Alice gets lost both down a hole and through the looking glass, only to find herself back in her sister and cat's company. 

Songs like 'Stairway to Heaven,' 'the Seeker,' and 'Like a Rolling Stone,' are all examples of songs that have plagued my brain lately. With lyrics like:

'yes, there are two paths you can go by, 

but in the long run, 

there's still time to change the road you're on. 

And it makes me wonder...' - Stairway to Heaven (Led Zeppelin)

'they call me the Seeker

I've been searching low and high

I won't get what I'm after

till the day I die.' - the Seeker - the Who (favorite recording done by Jack White)

'how does it feel

how does it feel

to be on your own

with no direction home

like a complete unknown

like a rolling stone?' - Like a Rolling Stone - Dylan

The comparisons don't end there...I read a book this summer that tackles the same problems. It is called 'The Way of the Wizard,' by Deepak Chopra. This book directs people toward finding multiple answers and finding multiple paths, but in theory it is the same. The theme of finding oneself as the answer to life's dilemmas is the source for everything the book has to offer. The book relates the story of Arthur and Merlin to finding your way to the grail, your happiness, freedom, love, and more. 

However many examples I find, I am still left with many questions as to where I go now. Do the morals of these fables mean you have to get lost to prove yourself and learn who you are? If you are already lost, how you find yourself? Do you take drugs like Alice? Or, put out bread crumbs like Hansel and Gretel? And, once you've found your way...do you ever go back? 

I've been feeling lost for almost 6 months...in love, in jobs, and in dreams(both literally and figuratively). I am attracted to these storytellers, songwriters, and sorcerers because I share their aspirations. Did they ever find their answers, paths, and way through the woods? If they did...I wish they could share it with me now. 

Somewhere Over the Rainbow

Someday I'll wish upon a star and wake up where the clouds are far Behind me.

Where troubles melt like lemon drops, Away above the chimney tops.

That's where you'll find me...

And, that's where I was this past weekend. One of my best friends arrived Wednesday night. Thursday was one of my worst days of work to date, and I spent the rest of the weekend trying to melt my troubles away. 

We had a late night snack/ dinner when she arrived Wednesday night at Jaffa Caffe in the East Village. This is a loudly decorated, yet surprisingly quiet late night cafe and lounge. The wall paper is something out of Willy Wonka, although I did not do a taste test as to whether or not the Schnosberries taste like Schnosberries. We sat in our leopard print booth and cheers-ed to the start of a great trip. Little did I know that despite my boss being out town the next day was going to be hell on earth...

I went to work Thursday, expecting an easy day full of tasks that would leave me free for the weekend. It did not work that way at all. It was the kind of day in which no matter how hard you try, nothing...and, I mean nothing...will be accomplished the way it should be. I left the office in tears, in part because my job(that I was never really 'hired' for) is now on the line, and because my boss is legitimately crazy. The repercussions of Thursday will be felt Monday, and I can only hope that I make it out alive. 

Therefor, Thursday night was spent doing the only natural thing after an awful day at work...drinking! We went to dinner at my favorite post-awful-work-day restaurant (which will remain nameless, as mentioned in earlier post). After some whine...I mean, wine.... we ventured to an art exhibit in the ghetto....literally. The exhibit was having an opening (with free booze) and since I'm still learning the city I didn't quite realize where it was. It's too bad we didn't win the knuckle dusters (door prize), because they would have been more useful than a can of mase. After said exhibit we happened upon East on 8th, a bar which serves happy hour until at least midnight. You can't really beat $4 drinks that taste like straight alcohol, from a drunk bartender who hands out free drinks like napkins?!

Onto Friday...We spent the morning in Brooklyn shopping at vintage stores and roaming around in the rain. After trying to manage things outside of the office we ventured into a restaurant down the street from my apt. We shared a few things, but the lobster, pesto, and bacon, on brioche sandwich might be one of the best sandwiches I have ever had. We were nearing starvation mode which may have played a small roll (pun intended), but I'll be going back just to make sure! After a brief nap, shower, etc... we began our 'John Lennon Birthday Celebration!' We went to Pianos, a bar known for it's music scene, and which I have frequented several times since moving here. We heard 4 bands play. The opener was pretty bad, but I did manage a free cd? Second on was 'Or, the Whale,' a really great country-rock-indie band out of San Fran that are all really nice people. Third and fourth were 'Mean Creek' and 'Everyday Visuals' who both play out of Boston and have a much harder sound, yet still did a great job on one specific lullaby -like piece that I'm trying to locate online. We even met fellow New Orleanians standing behind us! It was a great night!

The last day of my friend's visit was spent doing the more touristy things. We went to see a show Saturday ('In the Heights'), walked by Rockefeller Center, Radio City, and Central Park. We waited 2 hours just to eat at Serendipity, and ended our day watching Saturday Night Live on my living room couch. It was an incredible few days, but now it's back to reality...and I'm back on the roof...next to the chimney...on the other side of the rainbow.

If happy little bluebirds fly beyond the rainbow,

Why, oh why can't I?

'You Like Me!...You Really Like Me!'

I'm often told Sally Fields and I have a resemblance. We aren't related, and that has nothing to with today's post, other than that quote was exactly how I felt after I left my audition today.

I auditioned for a yoga teaching job. Unlike a dance audition where you are evaluated as the instructor teaches, or a normal job interview where you converse about past experiences; instead the three other people and myself each taught for about 10 minutes each. The studio is really beautiful, in Chelsea, and has two fabulous owners. The other three prospectives have all taught before, so I didn't exactly divulge the fact that I haven't taught more than twice, or to more than 3 students at a time.

I went second, and since the style I do is different everyone had to pay extra attention. They also loved my music! After getting compliments post class and meeting some new people, I left with a new spring in my step. It didn't hurt that there is live acoustic guitar on the weekends, either! Whether I get the job or not I will be going to this place, and hopefully I can find a small community there?! 

As for resemblance...I'm hoping a blond curly wig (from a dance recital ages ago) and a fur-collared coat I haven't found yet will complete my Halloween costume this year. I've decided to go as Penny Lane...now if I can just find a Russell Hammond, or William Miller, or both?!

'Week-Beginnings vs. Week-Ends'

Why is it called the 'week-end?!' 

The work week has become the worst part of my week. I have always been someone who lives for the week-ends, but then why call them the 'week-ends?' For me, they are the week-beginnings! 

I experience everything I love about life on Saturdays and Sundays. It is always the time for me to dance, draw, listen to music, go to yoga, drink, eat, and be merry! The time away from work is the only time I have to myself. The 48 hours between Friday and Monday are my time to experience life, and well...New York City!

This weekend I neglected Friday, enjoyed a movie and dinner Saturday ('It Might Get Loud'...documentary on Jimmy Paige, The Edge, and Jack White), and had brunch Sunday at Mission Cafe (San Fran inspired, very affordable east village cafe) before going in to work...yes, work. Needless to say this 'weekend' was somewhat uninspiring, but it was really my 'week-beginning.' 

This week a very close friend from home is coming to visit me. We have quite a week planned, including a film release party, art opening, possible concert, and much more! So, although tomorrow is Monday and to some that is the beginning of the week...to me it will be Friday (well, Wednesday (when she gets in town)) that will start my week! Either way there will plenty to write about by this time next week...in the mean time, enjoy your week...however it starts, ends, or continues...

'INTERN-al Strength'

This has not been the most pleasant of weeks. When you are actually living the worst scenes in a movie, you realize it didn't take imagination for someone to write that in a book (which will later be turned into a B-rated film). 

I am NOT a weak person. I'm not bragging that I'm a hard-ass (although I do love a little leather), but it's impossible to put into words how my current boss treats me. Saying I am verbally and physically abused everyday would not explain the half of it. 

In the past, how many college graduates would have actually accepted a non-paying job that requires more hard work, physical labor, and working hours than paid associates? I would like to take this opportunity to give everyone credit that is out there doing an internship. It takes a lot of patience, hard work, and often, physical exhaustion, which is more often than not, taken for granted. Right now we are all being told that to have ANY opportunity, even if it is working for the worst of bosses, for free, and is 50+ hours a week is an opportunity we can't pass up. I wish I could admit that you can pass it up, but the trouble is what would you be doing instead? There is a solution! That is to take the opportunity, which will teach you how not to treat human beings and motivate you to find something else. I have never been so motivated to find something and someone better in my entire life. So, this is one big THANK YOU to all of the people out there working hard, whether it is for free, for a graceless bitch, or just struggling to get by.