Merry-Go-Round

Saturday night was our first party at our little apartment in North Beach! And, it was a success! Or, I'd like to think so, based on the thank you texts I received today and my hangover from hell.

A few of my friends, a few of my room mates' friends, and B came for an evening of drunken merriment. We even did a white elephant gift exchange. And, after the party was getting too rowdy for our apartment we headed to a 'wee' pub down the street. (you can thank my Canadian room mate for that)

It had been a rough week for B and me. Both of us have been exhausted, sick, and stressed beyond our capabilities, and we hadn't seen each other all week. It was a huge relief that he didn't freak out at the party (where people kept calling him my boyfriend!), and that a few of my friends told me today how much they liked him...and his homemade beer.

We spent the rest of today together, and I'm looking forward to New Year's Eve. I found a dress, he won't have work, and we won't have seen each other in ten days! I hope we make it to the party...ok, I hope we make it to midnight. All the sweet nothings he's been whispering in my ears must be getting to my head...it's either that or the eggnog.

Melting...Like Butta

Thursday evening I had what was the inevitable first break down of the semester. I was stressed with finals, lack of room mate respect, the anticipation of cooking B dinner, and other philosophical questions such as 'what is fulfillment?,' 'do I have a purpose?,' and 'will I ever be creative and making money?'

(By the way, if anyone does have answers to these questions, please post them as soon as possible!)

I wasn't fully over the shock to my emotional system when B arrived last night. My cooking performance, taking a total of 2 hours, should have been showcased on youtube as 'The Domestically Challenged.'

We sat down to eat, and 2 of the 3 dishes came out decently well. I was pretty unhappy with the the main course, but B seemed pleased...or, did a good job faking it. We both commiserated over stresses and our strong desire for a little R&R. I cleaned up dessert, and it wasn't long before we were standing under the mistle toe...

I won't get into the rest of the 'barf worthy' evening. But, you could say we are a bit more than casual...and, B promised he's in it for real this time. To leave you all with a little vomit in your mouths...

'This is the best night I've had in a very, very long time.' - B

Holiday Cheer

You know why I love this time of year?

Drinking and Merriment.

Last night B and I took a break from our stressful, pre-vacation, cram sessions to enjoy the festive quality in the air and each other. We walked to the Fillmore, where we dined at a small pub lavishly clad in Christmas decorations and Santa-con participants. Afterwards, we went to see Black Swan, which I highly recommend. Nothing screams Christmas more than hot cocoa, spiked with peppermint schnopps, and a movie about ballerinas!

After the movie we ended up walking all the way back to my apartment, which is not close at all, especially with two huge hills in between. When we finally made it, I grabbed a bottle of wine and we headed back out to the treacherous stairs at the end of my street. Once seated, relaxed, and drinking wine from the bottle we both stared at the luminous skyline.

An hour or so later, we were tired, but after everything that's happened between us, I wasn't ready for him to stay the night. So, as I was leaving him to walk down the stairs, he finally pulled me in for a kiss. Standing in the middle of the street we kissed...and kissed...and kissed. And then we just stood there with our arms wrapped around each other. Finally, we unfurled and said good night.

As I went scampering down the steps back to my apartment my knees were crumbling beneath me. There isn't any better feeling than weak knees, butterflies in your stomach, aching at your groin, and roughly, chapped lips. Sigh.

This year, all I want for Christmas is B.

Bridget Jones Aint Got Nothin On Me

Nobody said the magic words...

'I like you, just the way you are.'

But, it was close enough. Ok, it wasn't close at all, but I'll take it!

After asking me about my New Years plans, B proposed I come with him. In response to my disclaimer on the price of the tickets he said...

'As a bday/xmas gift, I can definitely cover the cost for us getting in (if you wanna make dinner some time, we'll call it square).'

Instead of Mr. Darcy, perhaps I should start calling him Big?

How easy for him to just write off the cost for two very expensive New Year's Eve tickets?! And, how lucky for me?! This is the most expensive gift I've ever received from a gentle-fellow, especially one whom I'm supposedly only 'casually' dating. The feminist inside is having trouble swallowing her ego. But, at least he's giving me an opportunity to kill him with a meal cooked by yours truly?!

And, just when 'Mr. I don't want a relationship' starts acting interested, guess who else does?

Yep, the ex.

Haven't we already done this?

This time I had to hear it, so I choked down my pride and asked why he was contacting me.

'Because he wants to know I am doing well and happy.'

Huh? Funny he didn't care about me when my life was up in flames? And, equally interesting that he mentioned talking to people about me, my work, and my whereabouts. I have not and may not ever reciprocate.

I was surprisingly numb to the entire experience and perhaps it is in part because of my current beau. But, if we are to take B out of the equation, perhaps it is more about my growth as a lover, artist and friend over the last 2 years. I love the reflection time at the end of the year, especially when it starts feeling like everything, in the end, may pay off.

Yes, We're Going To A Party Party!

Friday night my parentals, sister, and I celebrated my birth with drinks at Cure and dinner at Patois. An absinthe and gin cocktail plus moules frites at dinner put me over the edge! Bliss.

The third food coma of my vacation ensued shortly there after.

Saturday was the real party! Innocently enough I happen to mention to 20, or so, people that I'd be going out for my birthday. I wasn't expecting to actually see more than about 5. Apparently my birthday was just a great excuse for a mini-high-school reunion and bar crawl. Needless to say, I saw way too many people, drank way too much alcohol, and stayed out way past my bedtime...in other words, I had a great night!

Turkey Baby

The pie turned out pretty tasty!

I can't really say the same for the dinner conversation. Another year, and, despite my improved attitude there is little hope for a normal thanksgiving in my house. Or, maybe it is normal, since none of us get along?

My puppy, who thinks I'm her litter-mate (judging by her reaction to me at the airport), has been my saving grace. She was without a doubt the most pleased to see me, and has kept me occupied, allowing me to stay out of as much drama, as possible.

Tomorrow's my birthday and the only hype I'm gearing up for is a celebration with my friends on Saturday night. Hopefully the last few months have been an indication of a better year ahead. And, I'm thankful for another year with my grandmother, living in a beautiful city, a beau in my life, amazing friends, and the independence to live my life in the happiest way I can.

MANipulation (the saga continues)

After playing it cool for a few days I did what every friend told me not to do, and thank goodness I did. I agreed to meet B for a drink.

Thursday night we met around 9 at a place aptly called La Trappe. I was bursting with confidence, repeating a mantra of 'What do I want? What do I expect? What can I compromise?,' and tottering around in my 3 inch heels.

B was there when I arrived and we headed downstairs to the trendier part of the restaurant and bar. There was a quick apology about Sunday from B, after we sat down. But, I knew he hadn't eaten dinner yet and felt a little on edge myself. I decided to see where the conversation went and breech the confrontational part after at least half my drink. We ordered beers from the vast Belgian beer selection, fries, and B got a beer-braised rabbit stew.

It took a very long time for our food to arrive, but we were having great conversation. I haven't laughed that hard in a while. So, one beer turned to two, and by the time the check came I was ready to lay it all on the table.

First I tackled the Sunday situation. It turns out he had no intention of messing with me, he's just an idiot. He informed me that in the future he'd rather I call straight away to save confusion, grief, and honesty. Then we moved on to what was going on between us, and where it is going. Apparently B has never casually dated. So, we came up with our definition of what we expect from one another and how we are going to work it. How very adult? The best part of the discussion came when B said, '...You deserve a lot of attention, I know I can't give you that right now, and I don't want to hurt you.' (music to my ears)

Our treaty states that 'we will see each other every other week (although more often is always welcome, just not required), we will talk at least once a week, when we have an issue, or want to change the terms, we immediately speak up, and we are free to date other people.' The best part is that I have a guaranteed date with someone I really enjoy, the freedoms of single girl life, and knowing that regardless the two of us will be friends.

I was weak in the knees by the end of the evening. B looked especially handsome, we were both fairly intoxicated, and when he left it was just a kiss on the cheek. But, I'm pretty sure I started to melt. I've decided he doesn't mean harm; he's just really clueless sometimes. And, when I wake up the next morning to a text telling me what a good time he had, too, I know I'm not imagining everything.