What I've Learned

With the New Year right around the corner I'm using my down time to reflect on the past year and figure out where I may be going in the next one. I spent Christmas alone, missed my high school 5 year reunion, and wish I could spend my extra time with family and friends.

Instead, I have used my few days off to relax and meditate. This poem was read during the last few minutes of my yoga class today, and I felt so emotional about it I cried. I wanted to share it with you. I do not expect tears, or even a sniffle, but by reading this maybe you will take a few minutes to meditate on your own life and what you have accomplished during the past year.

'What I've Learned' - Author Unknown

I've learned-

that you cannot make someone love you.

All you can do is be someone who can be loved.

The rest is up to them.

I've learned-

that no matter how much I care,

some people just don't care back.

I've learned-

that it takes years to build up trust,

and only seconds to destroy it.

I've learned-

that's it not what you have in your life,

but who you have in your life that counts.

I've learned-

that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes.

After that, you'd better know something.

I've learned-

that you shouldn't compare yourself to the best others can do.

I've learned-

that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.

I've learned-

that it's taking a long time to become the person I want to be.

I've learned-

that you should always leave loved ones with loving words.

It may be the last time you see them.

I've learned-

that you can keep going long after you think you can't.

I've learned-

that we are responsible for what we do,

no matter how we feel.

I've learned-

that either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I've learned-

that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first,

the passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place.

I've learned-

that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done,

regardless of the consequences.

I've learned-

that money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I've learned-

that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.

I've learned-

that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down will be the ones to help you get back up.

I've learned-

that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry,

but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

I've learned-

that true friendship continues to grow,

even over the longest distance.

the same goes for true love.

I've learned-

that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

I've learned-

that maturity has more to do with types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.

I've learned-

that you should never tell a child their dreams are unlikely and outlandish.

Few things are more humiliating,

and what a tragedy it would be if they believed it.

I've learned-

that you're family wont always be there for you.

It may seem funny,

but people you aren't related to can take care of you and love you and teach you to trust people again.

Families aren't biological.

I've learned-

that no matter how good a friend is,

they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I've learned-

that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others.

Sometimes you are to learn to forgive yourself.

I've learned-

that no matter how bad your heart was broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I've learned-

that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are,

but we are responsible for who we become.

I've learned-

that just because two people argue,

it doesn't mean they don't love each other.

And just because they don't argue,

doesn't mean they do.

I've learned-

that we don't have to change friends if we understand friends change.

I've learned-

that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret.

It could change your life forever.

I've learned-

that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

I've learned-

that no matter how you try to protect your children,

they will eventually get hurt and you will hurt in the process.

I've learned-

that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.

I've learned-

that even when you have no more to give,

when a friend cries out to you,

you will find the strength to help.

I've learned-

that credentials on the wall do not make a decent human being.

I've learned-

that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon.

I've learned-

that it's hard to determine where to the draw the line between being nice and not hurting people's feelings and standing up for what you believe.

Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree

I am very sad to report that I did not get the freelance gig. They do not have the funding right now, an excuse I'm beginning to get really sick of. I have yet to hear on the retail job, but my hope is just about gone. With my sublet coming to a close and no job prospects I am down right depressed...

So, I decided over the weekend to do what any mature, college graduate without a job would do...drown my sorrows.

Friday night I went to see The Honey Brothers, a band that has Adrien Grenier as their drummer. He also took a turn on the guitar and recorder! The show was in a bowling alley/ bar in Brooklyn. It is a really big and neat venue, not unlike the new Rock n' Bowl in New Orleans. I was also mesmerized by a guy who was doing doodles, projected onto a screen during the opening act (a band not even worth mentioning). Now, that's what I call a cool job! Other things of note:

1) I can now get drunk off 3 beers, a total that would have been doubled in college.

2) 'Moonlight' is their best song

3) I left my business card in their van's windshield...so come spring when the ice melts it will have been preserved?!

Saturday there was a blizzard that put my holiday party plans on hold. I decided not to weather the storm, and stayed in instead.

Sunday I had my usual brunch and shopping plans, with an added excursion to pick up my lost yoga mat. I happened upon the Brooklyn Flea pop-up store, and whether you live in NY or elsewhere, you should really check their stuff out! That night I went to Mercury Lounge for the first time.

Mercury Lounge is a famous music venue in the Lower East Side. It is well known for having up and coming musicians who play there before they make it big! Last night was absolutely, without a doubt in my mind, one of those experiences. I saw The Willowz, a California band, who's latest album is their best to date ('Everyone'). The band only played for a little over an hour, but they were fantastic. The crowd was small, and possibly more of their friends than anyone else, but the show was great! I can not wait to see where this band is going and to hear them play again! It was also the last night for one guitarist, and the first for another. They both played with the band, making it a really unique experience...and definitely worth the money(although it was super cheap!).

Songs I recommend include:

'Destruction'

'Everyone'

'Jimmy James'

'Tis The Season To Be Busy

Since last I wrote A LOT has happened!!

Last weekend was a mini-college reunion, when 3 of my professors visited the city. We all met at a bar in Hell's Kitchen and enjoyed drunken revelry and design talk. One of the more interesting moments was before the tequila shots and Mayan whores (that's a drink...not a person) happened. One of my professors decided to ask about my current job, and whether it was leading to a permanent position. I referred the question to my boss (also an alum). After a few moments of incredibly awkward silence, she responded...barely. During the evening another alum decided to 'come-out' to me, about a girl she dated that was actually in the bar. And, to top off the night, one of my professors told me to quit my job, once she got word about the lack of payment, among other things...

This week was also full of surprises, including my re-invitation to our holiday party, after being invited, uninvited, and re-invited. I can't disclose too much about the place (because the party was in the papers), but it is the perfect place for a Valentine's Day drink and a great sweets and tea shop during the day. The only thing to ruin my night was that I got a text from a friend telling me my apartment was burning down!! I freaked, having Katrina-like heart palpitations, and went home to find out it was thankfully, a minor fire at my neighbors, just a lot of fire trucks.

The following day after much irritation, I spent the last hours of the day at Mood Fabrics (most well known for its' appearance on Project Runway). I was searching the aisles for linen, when I was approached by a hopeless, (obviously) heterosexual male. He couldn't find the fabric he was looking for, and mentioned that I seemed to know exactly what I was doing. He works in TV and mentioned they often need help with costumes and stuff. I decided, despite his current project being Animal Planet (laugh it up), that he may need help again in the future. I decided to give him my number, in the hopes that I may get some business from the encounter...well, I am now also getting a drink.

I also had an interview Wednesday morning at a local yoga and fitness clothing retailer. If I get the job I will have a source of income! And, within the last 48 hours I have heard about a potential opportunity to do freelance work for one of my past bosses, in children's sweaters. That means 2 potential sources of income!!! That also means no more crazy boss...or at least minimal amounts!

I have a big weekend of holiday festivities ahead, so get ready for some Jingle All the Way!

5 Minutes of Fame

Last Wednesday I ran through the rain at half past eight...already soaking wet and twenty minutes late I arrived to meet my boss at someone else's office. I missed the meeting and walked back out into the pouring rain.

When we got to our office my pants were soaked through, all the way up to my butt, my hair, once straight and pulled back, was now frizzy and wild, and my boots (with fur) were on the verge of looking like a wet dog.

I didn't think too much of my appearance, since the majority of the day was supposed to be spent moving. I, yet again, have been at a job where my boss is moving. On my first day of a previous job I thought they mistook my small stature for that of a 6 foot moving man, when I was informed that although I was in heels, a skirt, and blouse I would be lifting boxes and helping them move in 90 degree heat. Awesome. So, this time around I dressed a little more appropriately, boots, jeans, and a turtle-neck, since it was about 25 degrees, instead of 90.

Within about five minutes of walking into the office I am informed that we will no longer be moving that day, but that I was to attend a question/answer session with the head designer of my company! Well, thank you to the intern who forgot to mention this to me the day before! Not only were we supposed to have a question for him to answer, but we were going to be on camera!! I would NEVER have worn a) what I was wearing, b) not put on a lick of make-up, or c) missed my morning cup of coffee! I decided to ignore my vanity and go anyways.

I arrived at the other office, where every other intern was dressed nicely and fully equipped with a fresh face of makeup. After re-thinking my question for him, I was very excited to find out there was a makeup artist on hand! YES, free makeover! She didn't really do a lot more than get rid of my dark circles and breakouts, but I'll take that!

We were split into three groups of four, and during each rotation of filming the same thing occurred. Each person introduced themself to the designer, asked their question, and then he would answer with a sketch. Each one of us walked away with a sketch, and in more than one case, an awkward or humorous encounter with an eccentric man. I was the last person to go, but if I may say so myself, my drawing was one of the best! I asked, 'What should I wear to a black-tie wedding, so as not to over-shadow the bride?' He answered with a black strapless cocktail dress, black sheer hose, high boots, and kid-skin gloves.

After the affair, which took 2 hours out of my work day, I was skipping on air the rest of the day. Not only did I meet the man behind the company I am working for, but I now have a signed drawing from him hanging above my bed!

Let it Be...

Today is the memorial of John Lennon's death. The man had an early end, but he also got most things right...like knowing when to let go, when to fight, and when to love. I've been working on a little bit of this myself...

Last week the 'other' intern got a job. She's made mistakes, came in every other day, and no one could trust her with anything...but somehow she got a job?!!! You can imagine my depression, which was hanging on my sleeve last Friday (her 'last' day).

At the end of the day my boss stopped me on my way out the door. In front of two other colleagues she attacked my facial expression....I mean depression. After making remarks about the other intern's opportunity, and how I shouldn't be upset, she said the first thing worth hearing. She told me I was going to have an opportunity to help the head designer (one of the two others in the room). I will now be helping with flat drawings for the Fall 2010 line, but there is one catch...

It means I have to work nights and weekends.

When I agreed to this opportunity I mentioned my present money-less situation and we came to an agreement. I can now refer to myself as an Assistant Textile and Fabric Designer (although I am not getting paid as such)...and I am in the market for a part time job (as well as a full-time one). I will be working two jobs, nights, and weekends, so bloggers...there may be a little lapse in my blogging for a while. My apologies.

So, how does this relate to John Lennon you may ask?

I've got one down...when to fight.

I waited until I was a necessity at my job and then fought for more opportunity.

As for the 'letting go,' that one is my New Years Resolution. I am sick of trying hard to get what I want and getting nothing back. I'm going to try holding back a little and seeing what comes to me, instead.

And, love, still working on that one since the Airport Guy never called.

In the mean time I recommend everyone in the NYC area seeing the John Lennon exhibit at the Rock and Roll Annex (which is closing).

The following is a Beatle's playlist, which feels most appropriate at present:

Free as a Bird

Norwegian Wood (one of many favorites)

I'm So Tired

Honey Pie

Money (that's what I want)

Don't Pass Me By

Why Don't We Do It In The Road?

Let It Be