What I've Learned

With the New Year right around the corner I'm using my down time to reflect on the past year and figure out where I may be going in the next one. I spent Christmas alone, missed my high school 5 year reunion, and wish I could spend my extra time with family and friends.

Instead, I have used my few days off to relax and meditate. This poem was read during the last few minutes of my yoga class today, and I felt so emotional about it I cried. I wanted to share it with you. I do not expect tears, or even a sniffle, but by reading this maybe you will take a few minutes to meditate on your own life and what you have accomplished during the past year.

'What I've Learned' - Author Unknown

I've learned-

that you cannot make someone love you.

All you can do is be someone who can be loved.

The rest is up to them.

I've learned-

that no matter how much I care,

some people just don't care back.

I've learned-

that it takes years to build up trust,

and only seconds to destroy it.

I've learned-

that's it not what you have in your life,

but who you have in your life that counts.

I've learned-

that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes.

After that, you'd better know something.

I've learned-

that you shouldn't compare yourself to the best others can do.

I've learned-

that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.

I've learned-

that it's taking a long time to become the person I want to be.

I've learned-

that you should always leave loved ones with loving words.

It may be the last time you see them.

I've learned-

that you can keep going long after you think you can't.

I've learned-

that we are responsible for what we do,

no matter how we feel.

I've learned-

that either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I've learned-

that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first,

the passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place.

I've learned-

that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done,

regardless of the consequences.

I've learned-

that money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I've learned-

that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.

I've learned-

that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down will be the ones to help you get back up.

I've learned-

that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry,

but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

I've learned-

that true friendship continues to grow,

even over the longest distance.

the same goes for true love.

I've learned-

that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

I've learned-

that maturity has more to do with types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.

I've learned-

that you should never tell a child their dreams are unlikely and outlandish.

Few things are more humiliating,

and what a tragedy it would be if they believed it.

I've learned-

that you're family wont always be there for you.

It may seem funny,

but people you aren't related to can take care of you and love you and teach you to trust people again.

Families aren't biological.

I've learned-

that no matter how good a friend is,

they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I've learned-

that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others.

Sometimes you are to learn to forgive yourself.

I've learned-

that no matter how bad your heart was broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I've learned-

that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are,

but we are responsible for who we become.

I've learned-

that just because two people argue,

it doesn't mean they don't love each other.

And just because they don't argue,

doesn't mean they do.

I've learned-

that we don't have to change friends if we understand friends change.

I've learned-

that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret.

It could change your life forever.

I've learned-

that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

I've learned-

that no matter how you try to protect your children,

they will eventually get hurt and you will hurt in the process.

I've learned-

that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.

I've learned-

that even when you have no more to give,

when a friend cries out to you,

you will find the strength to help.

I've learned-

that credentials on the wall do not make a decent human being.

I've learned-

that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon.

I've learned-

that it's hard to determine where to the draw the line between being nice and not hurting people's feelings and standing up for what you believe.

Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree

I am very sad to report that I did not get the freelance gig. They do not have the funding right now, an excuse I'm beginning to get really sick of. I have yet to hear on the retail job, but my hope is just about gone. With my sublet coming to a close and no job prospects I am down right depressed...

So, I decided over the weekend to do what any mature, college graduate without a job would do...drown my sorrows.

Friday night I went to see The Honey Brothers, a band that has Adrien Grenier as their drummer. He also took a turn on the guitar and recorder! The show was in a bowling alley/ bar in Brooklyn. It is a really big and neat venue, not unlike the new Rock n' Bowl in New Orleans. I was also mesmerized by a guy who was doing doodles, projected onto a screen during the opening act (a band not even worth mentioning). Now, that's what I call a cool job! Other things of note:

1) I can now get drunk off 3 beers, a total that would have been doubled in college.

2) 'Moonlight' is their best song

3) I left my business card in their van's windshield...so come spring when the ice melts it will have been preserved?!

Saturday there was a blizzard that put my holiday party plans on hold. I decided not to weather the storm, and stayed in instead.

Sunday I had my usual brunch and shopping plans, with an added excursion to pick up my lost yoga mat. I happened upon the Brooklyn Flea pop-up store, and whether you live in NY or elsewhere, you should really check their stuff out! That night I went to Mercury Lounge for the first time.

Mercury Lounge is a famous music venue in the Lower East Side. It is well known for having up and coming musicians who play there before they make it big! Last night was absolutely, without a doubt in my mind, one of those experiences. I saw The Willowz, a California band, who's latest album is their best to date ('Everyone'). The band only played for a little over an hour, but they were fantastic. The crowd was small, and possibly more of their friends than anyone else, but the show was great! I can not wait to see where this band is going and to hear them play again! It was also the last night for one guitarist, and the first for another. They both played with the band, making it a really unique experience...and definitely worth the money(although it was super cheap!).

Songs I recommend include:

'Destruction'

'Everyone'

'Jimmy James'

'Tis The Season To Be Busy

Since last I wrote A LOT has happened!!

Last weekend was a mini-college reunion, when 3 of my professors visited the city. We all met at a bar in Hell's Kitchen and enjoyed drunken revelry and design talk. One of the more interesting moments was before the tequila shots and Mayan whores (that's a drink...not a person) happened. One of my professors decided to ask about my current job, and whether it was leading to a permanent position. I referred the question to my boss (also an alum). After a few moments of incredibly awkward silence, she responded...barely. During the evening another alum decided to 'come-out' to me, about a girl she dated that was actually in the bar. And, to top off the night, one of my professors told me to quit my job, once she got word about the lack of payment, among other things...

This week was also full of surprises, including my re-invitation to our holiday party, after being invited, uninvited, and re-invited. I can't disclose too much about the place (because the party was in the papers), but it is the perfect place for a Valentine's Day drink and a great sweets and tea shop during the day. The only thing to ruin my night was that I got a text from a friend telling me my apartment was burning down!! I freaked, having Katrina-like heart palpitations, and went home to find out it was thankfully, a minor fire at my neighbors, just a lot of fire trucks.

The following day after much irritation, I spent the last hours of the day at Mood Fabrics (most well known for its' appearance on Project Runway). I was searching the aisles for linen, when I was approached by a hopeless, (obviously) heterosexual male. He couldn't find the fabric he was looking for, and mentioned that I seemed to know exactly what I was doing. He works in TV and mentioned they often need help with costumes and stuff. I decided, despite his current project being Animal Planet (laugh it up), that he may need help again in the future. I decided to give him my number, in the hopes that I may get some business from the encounter...well, I am now also getting a drink.

I also had an interview Wednesday morning at a local yoga and fitness clothing retailer. If I get the job I will have a source of income! And, within the last 48 hours I have heard about a potential opportunity to do freelance work for one of my past bosses, in children's sweaters. That means 2 potential sources of income!!! That also means no more crazy boss...or at least minimal amounts!

I have a big weekend of holiday festivities ahead, so get ready for some Jingle All the Way!

5 Minutes of Fame

Last Wednesday I ran through the rain at half past eight...already soaking wet and twenty minutes late I arrived to meet my boss at someone else's office. I missed the meeting and walked back out into the pouring rain.

When we got to our office my pants were soaked through, all the way up to my butt, my hair, once straight and pulled back, was now frizzy and wild, and my boots (with fur) were on the verge of looking like a wet dog.

I didn't think too much of my appearance, since the majority of the day was supposed to be spent moving. I, yet again, have been at a job where my boss is moving. On my first day of a previous job I thought they mistook my small stature for that of a 6 foot moving man, when I was informed that although I was in heels, a skirt, and blouse I would be lifting boxes and helping them move in 90 degree heat. Awesome. So, this time around I dressed a little more appropriately, boots, jeans, and a turtle-neck, since it was about 25 degrees, instead of 90.

Within about five minutes of walking into the office I am informed that we will no longer be moving that day, but that I was to attend a question/answer session with the head designer of my company! Well, thank you to the intern who forgot to mention this to me the day before! Not only were we supposed to have a question for him to answer, but we were going to be on camera!! I would NEVER have worn a) what I was wearing, b) not put on a lick of make-up, or c) missed my morning cup of coffee! I decided to ignore my vanity and go anyways.

I arrived at the other office, where every other intern was dressed nicely and fully equipped with a fresh face of makeup. After re-thinking my question for him, I was very excited to find out there was a makeup artist on hand! YES, free makeover! She didn't really do a lot more than get rid of my dark circles and breakouts, but I'll take that!

We were split into three groups of four, and during each rotation of filming the same thing occurred. Each person introduced themself to the designer, asked their question, and then he would answer with a sketch. Each one of us walked away with a sketch, and in more than one case, an awkward or humorous encounter with an eccentric man. I was the last person to go, but if I may say so myself, my drawing was one of the best! I asked, 'What should I wear to a black-tie wedding, so as not to over-shadow the bride?' He answered with a black strapless cocktail dress, black sheer hose, high boots, and kid-skin gloves.

After the affair, which took 2 hours out of my work day, I was skipping on air the rest of the day. Not only did I meet the man behind the company I am working for, but I now have a signed drawing from him hanging above my bed!

Let it Be...

Today is the memorial of John Lennon's death. The man had an early end, but he also got most things right...like knowing when to let go, when to fight, and when to love. I've been working on a little bit of this myself...

Last week the 'other' intern got a job. She's made mistakes, came in every other day, and no one could trust her with anything...but somehow she got a job?!!! You can imagine my depression, which was hanging on my sleeve last Friday (her 'last' day).

At the end of the day my boss stopped me on my way out the door. In front of two other colleagues she attacked my facial expression....I mean depression. After making remarks about the other intern's opportunity, and how I shouldn't be upset, she said the first thing worth hearing. She told me I was going to have an opportunity to help the head designer (one of the two others in the room). I will now be helping with flat drawings for the Fall 2010 line, but there is one catch...

It means I have to work nights and weekends.

When I agreed to this opportunity I mentioned my present money-less situation and we came to an agreement. I can now refer to myself as an Assistant Textile and Fabric Designer (although I am not getting paid as such)...and I am in the market for a part time job (as well as a full-time one). I will be working two jobs, nights, and weekends, so bloggers...there may be a little lapse in my blogging for a while. My apologies.

So, how does this relate to John Lennon you may ask?

I've got one down...when to fight.

I waited until I was a necessity at my job and then fought for more opportunity.

As for the 'letting go,' that one is my New Years Resolution. I am sick of trying hard to get what I want and getting nothing back. I'm going to try holding back a little and seeing what comes to me, instead.

And, love, still working on that one since the Airport Guy never called.

In the mean time I recommend everyone in the NYC area seeing the John Lennon exhibit at the Rock and Roll Annex (which is closing).

The following is a Beatle's playlist, which feels most appropriate at present:

Free as a Bird

Norwegian Wood (one of many favorites)

I'm So Tired

Honey Pie

Money (that's what I want)

Don't Pass Me By

Why Don't We Do It In The Road?

Let It Be

New Kid On The Block

Puffy eyed, sleep deprived, and greasy I got to the airport at 5 am this morning. I was planning on walking swiftly through security, boarding my flight, and sleeping the whole way back to New York. When I got in the line for security I remembered that it was the worst travel day of the year and was starting to dread everything, until...

I approached the line, and this very attractive guy files in behind me and gives me one of those smooth, sexy grins (you know? the kind without teeth, that are a little suggestive and may cause a dimple or two). I begin to day dream until I hear him behind me talking on his phone. He's stressing, loudly, about the possibility of losing his luggage on his way to the Philippines. After he hangs up, I turned around and offered him some comfort by telling him my bags made it to and from Australia, when I was flying standby.

I must have sparked an interest with him, because the rest of our time in line was spent chatting. Turns out he lives in NYC and we get talking about what we do and where we live. When I got to security I was held up. As I watched him walk down the terminal I thought 'well, there goes that.' Once I was permitted to leave, I walked to my gate, sat down, and waited for my flight to take off.

Within a few minutes he reappeared coming towards me with an apple in hand. He sat down next to me, and we resumed our conversation about the big city. He was flying to Los Angeles, on his way to Hong Kong, and then the Philippines. His gate happened to be right next to mine. When the gate agent started calling for people to board I hopped up, thanked him for the conversation, and headed towards the plane. When I got to the line, I realized they didn't call my row, and he was still sitting over where I left him. So, I grabbed (what I think was my business card) and ran over to him. I handed him the card and said, 'if you decide you want to show a new kid around.' I turned around quickly and boarded my plane. we'll see if he calls...

New Thanks

I am currently not in New York, but I still wanted a chance to write a small reflection on giving thanks.

With regards to New York I would like to acknowledge all of the people who live there with circumstances, more difficult than my own, and who manage to get by. I am referring to the blind, handicap, and elderly, mostly. These people live in a city that is geared towards the young and healthy, and they are often neglected in such a fast passed community. I continue to give up my seat to these people on the bus or hold a door open for them, but not everyone in the world is willing to spare a few extra moments. I would like to give personal thanks today for being so healthy and very much alive.

With regards to my thanks I would also like to acknowledge that I think New Years and Thanksgiving should be combined. I am (lucky) enough to have my birthday on Thanksgiving again this year. I do not enjoy the copious amounts of travel and family on my birthday, which can easily be overlooked, but it is an optimum time for reflection.

In my new year, I am given an opportunity to reflect on what I am both thankful for and what I would like to give, change, or receive in the upcoming year. I have already decided on my resolution for the upcoming year (tba). It is within the last few hours of a very topsy turvy year that I can admit, I am ready to move on. I have undergone many changes, some that will take more than a year to fix, but I am thankful for my friends, family, and perseverance that have gotten me through it. I can only hope that being alive another year will be an equal or lesser struggle and more of a success.

Cheers to your day of thanks, and may your belt be loosened, elastic stretched, and all the pie be eaten!

What Wood You Do?!

So, I didn't get to see John Mayer Monday or Jack White Tuesday...but I did get to go to the MTV Woodie Awards Wednesday.

On Monday I ran straight from work to Brooklyn, but all of the wristbands were given away. I ended up meeting a friend at the Beer Hall for a litre of beer! Around the start of the show, we went back to the venue, but still couldn't get in. Rejected again we went and had more beer and cheesepuffs....what a well balanced dinner?!

Tuesday night's show was sold out, but I wasn't upset since I was going to see the Dead Weather on Wednesday night!

For the awards ceremony we waited over an hour outside (in the cold, single-file line, and 3 inch heels). Once inside we realized it was standing room only, except for the VIP area and a long bench in the back of the venue. We managed to find a spot on the bench, where when I leaned to the left I could see the main stage! When my friend leaned to his right he could see the presenters' stage, so we took turns seeing everything!

Matt & Kim opened the show with a little strip tease from their dancers! Some of the presenters were Zooey des Channel, Alexa Chung, and Cyndi Lauper (to name a few). The bands that performed were Matt & Kim, Deathcab for Cutie, Passion Pit, and the Dead Weather! To be honest, all of the bands were ok, but the Dead Weather was beyond incredible! Waiting nearly 4 hours to see them was absolutely worth it! Jack White and his band gave an orgasmic performance that makes me want to see them again ASAP!

The end of the night was capped off with invites to the after party, which I was unable to attend, because my friend got rejected at the door. It will not be the last invite to an after party, and I will hopefully have another awards ceremony to attend sometime in the near future!...Besides, my boss offered me her red, Bill Blass couture, cocktail dress for my next affair, and that's an opportunity I can NOT pass up!

Below are some pictures (my camera started to die and couldn't focus well) from the event!

Roseland Ballroom

Matt & Kim dancers

Passion Pit

Deathcab For Cutie

Zooey des Channel

The Dead Weather

Stop! Rock!...and Roll!

Friday the 13th wasn't so bad, considering my superstitions. That morning I rode the bus with one of the fit models who lives in my neighborhood (actually being friends with a model is kind of bizarre). I also got my first job perk...about 1/2 a yard of fuschia cashmere. Looks like I'll be making a mini skirt over the vacation! I also had lunch with my sister, who was in town for work.

Saturday was spent staying out of the rain, and Sunday I made the most of what was left of the weekend. I had lunch with former NYU dorm room mates and did a little thrift store shopping!

The most exciting part of my weekend is what I am anticipating for this week...

There is a FREE...I repeat...FREE John Mayer show tomorrow night! I am trying my hardest to get a wristband, but it will only be luck if my friend waiting in line in the morning can get one for me, too!

Tuesday night is another concert, The Dead Weather, which I would love to attend. The Dead Weather is Jack White's new group and the show is sold out. But, based on past experiences I'm going to keep trying to find tickets!

And, to top it off the MTV Woodie Awards are Wednesday night, and I've won tickets!! The Dead Weather, Passion Pit, Matt & Kim, AND Deathcab are ALL playing!!!...You can expect to see me on TV December 4th!

So, I could potentially see John Mayer Monday, Jack White Tuesday, and several other amazing bands Wednesday!!! If none of it works out, then no loss, because I wasn't planning on any of this to begin with....But, if any, one, or more do work out...Well, then just figure I can die happy on Thursday!

Kickin It!

After a jam-packed weekend, this week has been going full throttle, too...

Monday night was a calm night in preparation for the week ahead...minus a surprise phone call from a friend who got engaged! A big congrats goes out to her and her future hubby:)

Tuesday I got to work only to find out my boss wasn't coming in, because she was too ill. A sudden version of 'Joy to the World' began ringing in my ears. It was cut short once she informed me I was going to come to her apartment to get a list of tasks for the day. I went to her 5th Avenue apartment, laptop in arms, fabric, and more to find a list of tasks and high hopes for getting off early....which I did!

Tuesday night was the dinner accompaniment to Saturday's skipped party. Showered and home-made card in hand, I jumped on the L train to Brooklyn. At dinner I was the only one there, minus his elder sister, who didn't know the 15 other best friends. I apologized to the host, but until I get a paid job or win the lottery, home-made cards and showing up are all I can afford. I sat beside a few other alumni at the very long table and proceeded to have awkward dinner conversation. One particular alum of several years was very intriguing, but when the big question came:

'Where do you work?'...followed by 'Do you know_____(my boss)?'

The conversation with me ended, but the story doesn't.

Dinner couldn't end soon enough. Feeling just as alone as before, I left for a thirty minute trek home.

First thing the next day, this was my dialogue between my boss (also a friend of the birthday boy, but too 'sick' to attend the party.):

B: I heard you met ____(birthday boy's friend).

M: Um, yes. I did.

B: Yea, he texted me last night.

M: Oh.

B: You know he and I used to date, right?!

M: Uh, no. I didn't.

This interlude left me with two big questions. How could such a nice (seeming) guy date her?! And, how can I possibly have the same taste in guys as her?!!

Putting my men-troubles aside I went to see the Radio City Rockettes last night! I have a dance friend from high school who is one, so another dancer-friend and I went to see her dress rehearsel. It was fantastic! I hadn't seen the Rockettes since I was 12 (when my hopes of becoming one were dependent upon how many inches I would grow during puberty...obviously not enough). The sparkle and magic were just as good as the first time, and I'm starting to get excited about NYC at Christmas. Well, I better get back to relaxing, because this week is not over yet!

Sari for Partying!

Yesterday started out with a yoga class geared towards surfing. When we did a low, 360 degree spin on our mats, I missed my mat surfing along the hard wood floor instead of the imaginary wave. I've fallen so many times in public (airports, fashion events, subway platforms, etc...) my ego is the only thing bruised. I have to pray, though, that this is not a sign of how bad I will be at surfing, when the day finally comes that I get to learn how.

The rest of the daylight hours were spent helping my friend furnish his apartment. He's been living out of suitcases for almost a month, so we went to Ikea for some swedish meatballs and some furniture. I met him in Australia, when we spent a day trip together in the Blue Mountains. After a Great Barrier Reef style ferry ride to Red Hook we began our search for everything he needs. There was an awkward moment during that time, when I was thinking this must be what wedding directory shopping or starting a home with someone feels like. The only difference here was that price was entirely up to him, and I knew the feminine throw pillows and persian rugs were not something even worth mentioning to him. In the end, I successfully talked him out of a really awful dresser and was there with him, when we realized he is going to have to come back.

My Aussie-omeness did not end there for the day, as I attended a party with a friend of mine last night. The hostess, her Australian friend, was having a Bollywood Themed birthday party, and the majority of the people there were Aussies. It was at one of the most posh and amazing apartments I have ever seen....and she lives there for free!!!! I was sad not to be in costume, when we got there and most of the girls were, however, the very hospitable hostess had bindis ready and waiting for us! After several bottles of champagne and some grey goose a dance party began in front of the Indian-themed slideshow on the wall. Just as my friend and I were getting fairly groovy we decided to ditch this party, but where to next?

I was supposed to attend a birthday party in Bushwick (sketchy Brooklyn), but a 45 minute train ride and lost buzz were not sounding good at midnight. So, we did the next best thing...got something to eat (despite the curry-filled spread at her friends) and continued going out on this side of the river.

We managed to catch a free ride to B Bar. It's a great place when the weather is nice, but even the heat lamps weren't cutting it for me. I was enjoying conversation with some very attractive gentlemen and a free drink from, yet another one of her friends, when another guy from our hometown in the south showed up.

After several minutes I was told we were leaving. I hopped in a cab with the other southerner and his friend, waiting for my friend to join us. She stayed behind and I headed further south to what I think was the Lower East Side. I was pretty drunk at this point, but we walked into a bar that I am nearly positive I have been to before, although I remembered it being on the Upper East Side. It's a tiny bar with pin-up girls flanking the walls. It was so crowded in there I could hardly breathe and the two boys were busy gathering attention from their unique dance moves. I could tell I was starting to fade, so I left for the night. Later when confronted from my friend in Bushwick about why I wasn't there, my only response: 'Sari for Partying!'

A Dime A Dozen....Or, One In A MIllion?

The last few days I have been plagued with sleepless nights (i.e. my unconscious dealing with stress.....not sex(I wish)) and tiresome days. It relates to two main issues in my life, 1) being alone and 2) my job.

Is everyone out there a dime a dozen or one in a million?

After breaking up with someone over half a year ago, which I still can not believe how long and short that is; I have continued to think about him. I put much more into that relationship than I was apparently bargaining for, and he seemed to have an easy enough time cutting me out of his life entirely. I made attempts at keeping in contact and have since given up. I hadn't really been overly concerned with his well-being until the wonders of facebook got involved. Had his friend not emailed me and begun commenting on wall posts, as well as, pictures of him and his (guessing) current girlfriend appeared all over my damn newsfeed; I may not be the least bit bothered.

However, it was the pictures from Halloween that put me over the edge. A guy who once told me he hated taking pictures, so was hardly ever hassled, could qualify for beauty shot deluxe! And, to top it off he stole a costume concept I have always dreamed of doing. I mentioned, prior to our split, that for a couples themed party I had always wanted to dress like Jack and Meg White, which neither of us was able to attend. For the record, the White Stripes were (until recently) my favorite band of all time, and I have always had an obsession with Jack White. He decided to be an unoriginal jerk and steal. I'm a very passionate person when it comes to dressing up, and for some jerk that claims to 'hate dressing up' to steal my ideas....you better believe I am pissed off. Who knows how long it will be before I can even listen to the White Stripes again?! And it WAS my favorite band!!!!!

Was I just a dime a dozen girlfriend? Or was I an homage-worthy one in a million?

As for my job, well I think I am starting to stress a little, because of the interview. I haven't heard from the woman, and the few sketches I had time for were not my most creative, best efforts. But, how can you accomplish creativity from 7-9 pm, when you can barely keep your eyes open and your hands from shaking? Also, more odd comments about how nice it would be for me to stay at my 'job' continue to be made, and not just by my boss. It is encouraging that I have made an impact, but do I want to stay there? I'm still not sure.

Was I another dime a dozen intern? Or have I been one in a million?

Also, it is reaching November, and that means I am running out of time. With the holidays coming up, it will be January before I know it. My sublet ends the last week in January and without a job I can not stay here. Do I want to stay here? I'm not sure about that either. But, what I do know is moving 3 times in one year was enough, and I'm not sure I'm ready to go back home.

I guess my best bet for solutions here are never getting on facebook again (not gonna happen), finding a boyfriend (also incredibly unlikely), and finding any way possible (even if it means selling my soul) to stay in New York. I don't really like the way any of those sound, so I'm just going to pray that time stops until I can work it all out.

Weekend Update...(minus Tina Fey)

Last week almost gave me the balls to quit my job. After a fabulous Monday the rest of the week was so awful I couldn't imagine working there a day longer. The intern who was hired (I thought) to help me was instead doing my jobs in the office, and I was in turn out running around (mostly in the rain to find whatever it is she couldn't). When I finally decided to ask my boss if I had any authority on this 'princess with an attitude,' my boss nearly blew a fuse telling me that 'NO! You are supposed to be working TOGETHER!' Little does she know this girl doesn't do or want to do anything that requires more effort than matching her shoes to her outfit.

So, on the verge of quitting and hating the 'tough' life in the big apple I decided to make some changes. I've researched a variety of clubs and organizations, and I have chosen a writing club to join. It will basically be an excuse to write one of these posts, hopefully within the next few weeks. I spent hours looking for jobs and finally found a few worth applying for. Turns out I wasn't off my rocker, because I actually got an interview with a Children's wear, high-end, design firm today. Not sure if I'm going to get the job, but she did ask me to send some more sketches, so that's positive. I also managed to run into/ found out a few other friends of mine, mostly x-ballerinas (like me) have moved to the city! Maybe these are all signs life is going to turn around?....

As for Halloween...I dressed up as Holly Golightly from 'Breakfast at Tiffany's.' It was a very successful costume and a fun night...rainy, but fun. Tonight I'm watching the Saints game with a friend from home, and I'm keeping my fingers crossed for a Saints v. Colts Superbowl! Up is the way to go....and if that means I need to get high, well that might just happen soon too...

Way Down in China Town

For the first time, I actually liked my job today! Maybe it was that I was wearing a new dress, walking around on a beautiful fall day, or maybe I'm in some state of denial?

I spent the majority of the morning teaching my new intern (yes, an intern for an intern), and the afternoon wandering garden districts, China Town, and anywhere else I could find alternative materials. I was on a hunt for plastics, vinyls, canvas, anything not traditionally used as fabric I could get my hands on.

Maybe it was the chill in the air, or maybe it was the lack of text messages from my insistent boss, but something about having any creative freedom gave me a spring in my step. I felt, for the first time in ages, like I was actually using my brain. Throughout this experience I have been doing only what other people tell me. 'Go to fabric stores!' 'Go pick this up!' 'Go drop this off!' 'Go!' 'Go!' 'Go!' I hardly ever have a moment to sit down and think...I am in a constant state of do.

So, today I was able to zone out, listen to music, and do what I do best...

IMAGINE.

Browsing through gardening stores, plastic stores, art stores, and hardware stores.I had a chance to imagine what I could make out of any of the items on the shelves. There is a whole other element to 'alternative' material pieces. In my mind it is the most artisitic. It becomes three dimensional works of art...more than just something pretty to wear, and if it can accomplish both, even better! Regardless if anything I found makes it to the runway, I enjoyed my gasp of fresh air, mango bubble tea, and afternoon of feeling the artist within. This was the New York that film makers, musicians, writers, and artists are drawn to...this was the New York people dream about.

Central Perfect

I woke up today, a perfect fall day, and was determined to head straight to Central Park. I wanted to have a taste of what I used to experience every day in Bloomington, fresh air and seasons changing. I used to relish my twenty minute walks to class, skipping through falling leaves, sliding through 4 inch snow, and gazing at blooming flowers. Now I see dirty pavement, sky scrapers, and homeless people no matter where I go.

Alone, a little chilled, I sat on a rock in Sheep Meadow. I watched children frolicking, couples picnic-ing, people marrying, and more. I drew for an hour or so and listened to music. It was during this time that I put together what would be my perfect Sunday afternoon. I decided to share it with you in hopes that one day it will become a reality....

I will wake up to a crisp fall or spring day, with a bright and sunny sky. There will be a lover by my side, and we will venture to brunch with or without friends. I will inevitably be eating near the East Village, so a short wander to markets or stores will be in order. The afternoon will be spent picking up wine, cheese, bread, and whatever else takes our fancy before heading to Central Park. At the park I will be met by a group of friends hanging out and listening to music. Then, right as I am heading home, my lover will accompany me for a hot chocolate and good night kiss.

I can dream, right?...

Nightmare on 39th Street

In the spirit of Halloween, the 'keep the garment district alive' protest, and my slight delusion (from excessive amounts of cold medicine), I have been fantasizing about how fabric shopping could easily become a creepy horror movie...

I am often walking into run-down fabric stores on 39th street. The slums of the fabric stores, when compared to the likes of Mood or B&J. The neon signs above the door are not unlike a sketchy bachelor bar or strip club. I wander through narrow passages with bolts of fabric lining my way, and seek someone, anyone, that may be there to help me. Often I am left to scavenging on my own, or the opposite, which is more like bargaining. On more than one occasion I have been expected to follow a man, who barely speaks English (or pretends not to), with freshly sharpened scissors, between rolls of fabric, along a small corridor, and into a back room. Could this be where young female interns are taken, cut open, and dropped in a room somewhere below the pavement?...

Today I happened to be on one such scavenge when I saw a stairwell leading to a floor below the store, completely blocked off with ropes. Is that where the young missing interns are kept during the day, and maybe brought out at night? Or, in another shop there was a dark stairwell leading up to what appeared to be an attic, despite the fact that this store is on the ground level of at least 10 floors. Is that 'attic' another missing girl...or boy location?

Is it just Halloween that triggered my observances of these little nuances today, or am I just hoping to be the victim of one of these stories? The latter is a fantastical idea when you are unhappy, lonely, and sick...however I'm going to leave the story writing to Steven Spielberg and hope my life doesn't really end up this way.

Lone-Star-State

People say 'If you can make it in NY, you can make it Anywhere.' What I want to know is how does being lonely, broke, and cold mean you are 'making it?'

Last weekend most of my University friends were back at school celebrating together, and I wish I could have been there. I have come down with some kind of cold and am hoping it's not swine flu or worse, but then again I do ride public transportation multiple times daily. And, when you see a woman literally holding a pigeon in Soho it does make you wonder how sanitary just about everything in this city is?

I can't seem to wrap my head around the concept, that there are so many freaking people in such a small space....yet, I have so much trouble meeting new ones. I understand that you can meet people through work, but considering how little time I'm actually in the office, that most of the women I work with are not my age, and that what few men are around are mostly gay...I'm not really doing myself any favors in the match making department and even friends to have drinks with after work seem slim. I have a few individual friends in the city, the majority of which have all entered serious/some-what serious relationships within the last month. So, with that said....I'm Lonely.

It's been knocking on my door for a few weeks now, but with friends visiting and warm air still outside I was pushing past the 'lonely-newcomer-feeling.' This is a feeling not unknown to someone who went to school a 13 hour drive away from home and dance camps in a different city every summer. Within the last week the temperature has dropped 20 degrees and there's no doubting that the lack of a 'big spoon' (i.e. someone to cuddle with) is setting in.

I am undeniably lonely and can't find a solution. I spend time with old friends and hop on any chance to meet new ones, but everyone here is on their own agenda. There is no group of friends to settle myself into, or other random newcomers looking for people to play with. The other problem is that most activities such as eating, drinking, movies, theatre, museums, and shopping which comprise NY life (esp. in winter when the parks and wandering aimlessly become treacherous) cost serious bucks. Fun things I would do to occupy my time alone or with someone else have suddenly become off-limits, or at the very most only done in moderation.

So, when time is not on my side, do I look for a new hobby? Do I start handing my number to locals on the subway each morning, like one friend suggested? Or, do I continue trucking along until fate lends a hand, or my time here runs up?

A Road To Know-Where?

I have recently been absorbed with thoughts regarding my path in life. These thoughts have made me aware that so many of the mediums I surround myself with, are all about this process. The journey, is a story I have understood since studying stories like 'Beowolf' and 'The Odyssey.' I have always seen myself nurtured by mentors and walking across thresholds. It just never occurred to me that during the most controversial time in my life I would notice how few answers there are, but how many other people have asked the same questions. 

My inspiration for this came due to a recent Jimmy Paige obsession paired with imagining why the man sitting next to me at lunch today was eating a large chocolate chip cookie and reading Harry Potter. Fables like Harry Potter, Hansel and Gretel, Alice and Wonderland all hint at the same theme...finding oneself, or one's way. The entire Potter series is based on Harry's objective at finding where he came from and who he is. Hansel and Gretel are lost and find out the kind of people they are when their lives are in danger. And, Alice gets lost both down a hole and through the looking glass, only to find herself back in her sister and cat's company. 

Songs like 'Stairway to Heaven,' 'the Seeker,' and 'Like a Rolling Stone,' are all examples of songs that have plagued my brain lately. With lyrics like:

'yes, there are two paths you can go by, 

but in the long run, 

there's still time to change the road you're on. 

And it makes me wonder...' - Stairway to Heaven (Led Zeppelin)

'they call me the Seeker

I've been searching low and high

I won't get what I'm after

till the day I die.' - the Seeker - the Who (favorite recording done by Jack White)

'how does it feel

how does it feel

to be on your own

with no direction home

like a complete unknown

like a rolling stone?' - Like a Rolling Stone - Dylan

The comparisons don't end there...I read a book this summer that tackles the same problems. It is called 'The Way of the Wizard,' by Deepak Chopra. This book directs people toward finding multiple answers and finding multiple paths, but in theory it is the same. The theme of finding oneself as the answer to life's dilemmas is the source for everything the book has to offer. The book relates the story of Arthur and Merlin to finding your way to the grail, your happiness, freedom, love, and more. 

However many examples I find, I am still left with many questions as to where I go now. Do the morals of these fables mean you have to get lost to prove yourself and learn who you are? If you are already lost, how you find yourself? Do you take drugs like Alice? Or, put out bread crumbs like Hansel and Gretel? And, once you've found your way...do you ever go back? 

I've been feeling lost for almost 6 months...in love, in jobs, and in dreams(both literally and figuratively). I am attracted to these storytellers, songwriters, and sorcerers because I share their aspirations. Did they ever find their answers, paths, and way through the woods? If they did...I wish they could share it with me now. 

Somewhere Over the Rainbow

Someday I'll wish upon a star and wake up where the clouds are far Behind me.

Where troubles melt like lemon drops, Away above the chimney tops.

That's where you'll find me...

And, that's where I was this past weekend. One of my best friends arrived Wednesday night. Thursday was one of my worst days of work to date, and I spent the rest of the weekend trying to melt my troubles away. 

We had a late night snack/ dinner when she arrived Wednesday night at Jaffa Caffe in the East Village. This is a loudly decorated, yet surprisingly quiet late night cafe and lounge. The wall paper is something out of Willy Wonka, although I did not do a taste test as to whether or not the Schnosberries taste like Schnosberries. We sat in our leopard print booth and cheers-ed to the start of a great trip. Little did I know that despite my boss being out town the next day was going to be hell on earth...

I went to work Thursday, expecting an easy day full of tasks that would leave me free for the weekend. It did not work that way at all. It was the kind of day in which no matter how hard you try, nothing...and, I mean nothing...will be accomplished the way it should be. I left the office in tears, in part because my job(that I was never really 'hired' for) is now on the line, and because my boss is legitimately crazy. The repercussions of Thursday will be felt Monday, and I can only hope that I make it out alive. 

Therefor, Thursday night was spent doing the only natural thing after an awful day at work...drinking! We went to dinner at my favorite post-awful-work-day restaurant (which will remain nameless, as mentioned in earlier post). After some whine...I mean, wine.... we ventured to an art exhibit in the ghetto....literally. The exhibit was having an opening (with free booze) and since I'm still learning the city I didn't quite realize where it was. It's too bad we didn't win the knuckle dusters (door prize), because they would have been more useful than a can of mase. After said exhibit we happened upon East on 8th, a bar which serves happy hour until at least midnight. You can't really beat $4 drinks that taste like straight alcohol, from a drunk bartender who hands out free drinks like napkins?!

Onto Friday...We spent the morning in Brooklyn shopping at vintage stores and roaming around in the rain. After trying to manage things outside of the office we ventured into a restaurant down the street from my apt. We shared a few things, but the lobster, pesto, and bacon, on brioche sandwich might be one of the best sandwiches I have ever had. We were nearing starvation mode which may have played a small roll (pun intended), but I'll be going back just to make sure! After a brief nap, shower, etc... we began our 'John Lennon Birthday Celebration!' We went to Pianos, a bar known for it's music scene, and which I have frequented several times since moving here. We heard 4 bands play. The opener was pretty bad, but I did manage a free cd? Second on was 'Or, the Whale,' a really great country-rock-indie band out of San Fran that are all really nice people. Third and fourth were 'Mean Creek' and 'Everyday Visuals' who both play out of Boston and have a much harder sound, yet still did a great job on one specific lullaby -like piece that I'm trying to locate online. We even met fellow New Orleanians standing behind us! It was a great night!

The last day of my friend's visit was spent doing the more touristy things. We went to see a show Saturday ('In the Heights'), walked by Rockefeller Center, Radio City, and Central Park. We waited 2 hours just to eat at Serendipity, and ended our day watching Saturday Night Live on my living room couch. It was an incredible few days, but now it's back to reality...and I'm back on the roof...next to the chimney...on the other side of the rainbow.

If happy little bluebirds fly beyond the rainbow,

Why, oh why can't I?

'You Like Me!...You Really Like Me!'

I'm often told Sally Fields and I have a resemblance. We aren't related, and that has nothing to with today's post, other than that quote was exactly how I felt after I left my audition today.

I auditioned for a yoga teaching job. Unlike a dance audition where you are evaluated as the instructor teaches, or a normal job interview where you converse about past experiences; instead the three other people and myself each taught for about 10 minutes each. The studio is really beautiful, in Chelsea, and has two fabulous owners. The other three prospectives have all taught before, so I didn't exactly divulge the fact that I haven't taught more than twice, or to more than 3 students at a time.

I went second, and since the style I do is different everyone had to pay extra attention. They also loved my music! After getting compliments post class and meeting some new people, I left with a new spring in my step. It didn't hurt that there is live acoustic guitar on the weekends, either! Whether I get the job or not I will be going to this place, and hopefully I can find a small community there?! 

As for resemblance...I'm hoping a blond curly wig (from a dance recital ages ago) and a fur-collared coat I haven't found yet will complete my Halloween costume this year. I've decided to go as Penny Lane...now if I can just find a Russell Hammond, or William Miller, or both?!

'Week-Beginnings vs. Week-Ends'

Why is it called the 'week-end?!' 

The work week has become the worst part of my week. I have always been someone who lives for the week-ends, but then why call them the 'week-ends?' For me, they are the week-beginnings! 

I experience everything I love about life on Saturdays and Sundays. It is always the time for me to dance, draw, listen to music, go to yoga, drink, eat, and be merry! The time away from work is the only time I have to myself. The 48 hours between Friday and Monday are my time to experience life, and well...New York City!

This weekend I neglected Friday, enjoyed a movie and dinner Saturday ('It Might Get Loud'...documentary on Jimmy Paige, The Edge, and Jack White), and had brunch Sunday at Mission Cafe (San Fran inspired, very affordable east village cafe) before going in to work...yes, work. Needless to say this 'weekend' was somewhat uninspiring, but it was really my 'week-beginning.' 

This week a very close friend from home is coming to visit me. We have quite a week planned, including a film release party, art opening, possible concert, and much more! So, although tomorrow is Monday and to some that is the beginning of the week...to me it will be Friday (well, Wednesday (when she gets in town)) that will start my week! Either way there will plenty to write about by this time next week...in the mean time, enjoy your week...however it starts, ends, or continues...

'INTERN-al Strength'

This has not been the most pleasant of weeks. When you are actually living the worst scenes in a movie, you realize it didn't take imagination for someone to write that in a book (which will later be turned into a B-rated film). 

I am NOT a weak person. I'm not bragging that I'm a hard-ass (although I do love a little leather), but it's impossible to put into words how my current boss treats me. Saying I am verbally and physically abused everyday would not explain the half of it. 

In the past, how many college graduates would have actually accepted a non-paying job that requires more hard work, physical labor, and working hours than paid associates? I would like to take this opportunity to give everyone credit that is out there doing an internship. It takes a lot of patience, hard work, and often, physical exhaustion, which is more often than not, taken for granted. Right now we are all being told that to have ANY opportunity, even if it is working for the worst of bosses, for free, and is 50+ hours a week is an opportunity we can't pass up. I wish I could admit that you can pass it up, but the trouble is what would you be doing instead? There is a solution! That is to take the opportunity, which will teach you how not to treat human beings and motivate you to find something else. I have never been so motivated to find something and someone better in my entire life. So, this is one big THANK YOU to all of the people out there working hard, whether it is for free, for a graceless bitch, or just struggling to get by.

"I Like My Burgers Rare."

A good friend of mine was the main force behind me starting this blog...under one condition...

I couldn't be negative. 

If any of you know me, that was virtually impossible until I found the yogi within. Now it is a struggle, but sometimes I can dig deep down and find Positive Patty instead of Negative Nancy. Therefore, I am going to try my best to talk about the 4 hours last night, which were the best moments in the last 4 days. 

A precursor to this story is that it rained Sunday, I was severely hungover, and I have spent the last 3 days working for my boss, who just returned from 2 weeks away (after only working with me for 3 days before leaving). My boss also made me cry today, which I thought only my ex-boyfriend was capable of doing. Now for the 'good' story (Sorry 'friend!'..had to let it out, and why not in cyber space?!)

After another seemingly endless day at work, I ran to meet a close friend who was in NYC for an interview. I walked another 20+ blocks (adding to the 9-6 walk-a-thon I had just completed), hopped on a bus, and then practically ran over a few bystanders to leap across Lexington to meet her. We decided on a restaurant I usually frequent at brunch to eat a dinner that rivaled their omelets and french toast. 

I haven't seen this friend, or any of my other University friends in five months. I miss them beyond belief, and getting to spend an evening catching up with one was worth every moment of pain (from walking around with quarter-sized blisters all day)...and quite a bit more! There were several other 'perks' to dinner including my glass of red vino, extremely rare burger, and the adorable bar tender named Kermit? Yes, he uses the pen-name Kermie, because his real name is just 'too' common. After hearing there's no Miss Piggie, you better believe I will be attending this venue at night again, in addition to my Sunday, late afternoon haunts. I am also not going to disclose his real name in the event we should meet again...

(insert song 'Moving Right Along' - a Muppet Movie)

The evening ended with a late night chat at my apartment, where my friend was staying the night. I miss her already, but am looking forward to another friend visiting next week...and for the weekend, of course!

'Between the Stitches': The Purpose of This Blog

  The purpose of this blog is to inform readers of my current life in NYC, and is starting due to popular demand. This blog will include, but is not limited to, stories about my job, daily life, social scene, love life, and anything else I deem interesting. It will remain as anonymous as possible, so all comments should and MUST respect this anonymity for the blog to keep going. 

  

  A little background information on me, so you can follow this blog with relative ease. I am a young, female working in the fashion industry. I live in Manhattan and have recently been yoga certified. I am from the south, went to school in the midwest, am working in the east, and have always dreamed of living out west. I think that is enough information to get this started, so let the blogging begin!