California Dreamin'

I leave for California in 1 day!!!!!

Tomorrow night is my last night here for a week, and my last dinner with my best friend before her trip to Europe! She's never been, so I am very excited for her (...and, yea, a little jealous). Well, not too jealous 'cause, I'm going to CALIFORNIA! I'll be biking, drinking wine, and taking in the chill lifestyle with my family. See you on the flip side!

Make New Friends, But Keep The Old

One is silver, and the other gold.

Well, that's how the song goes, but so far I've mostly spent time catching up with my old buddies. I guess that's what happens after you spend a year in NY meeting billions of people.

2 weeks ago was a dinner with a bunch of the girls I used to dance with. I at one point was a ballerina. That one point lasted give or take 19 years. We were missing 2 from our 'group,' but the once-a-year dinner was a great time for catching up.

Wednesday night was a similar event, since I decided to attend my old dance studio's recital. I watched the 1st (and only number) my best friend Alison was in, before high-tailing it to an amazing concert! We saw Brahms, Passion Pit, and Tokyo Police Club!!! It was fantastic! I will admit that Techno-beat dance music is normally not my thing. However, live it turns out, they are not synthesizing nearly as much as I thought! Actually, the lead singer in Passion Pit really does have a falsetto that sounds just like the recorded versions. Go figure.

Last night was yet another catch up time with a few classmates from my high school. We ate dinner, listened to a live jazz band, and got caught up (on the mostly uneventful) stages in our lives.

All of the above was fun, but I always wonder what a lot of people from my past are doing and where they are? It's often funny when the encounters of reconnection occur. Coming home I did not expect nearly so many people to be passing through and permanently living here. As they say, 'It all happens for a reason?'

Family Tree

One of the best finds in my grandmother's house so far is a record player.

Before (at her apt):

I'm currently listening to the original recording of My Fair Lady with Julie Andrews. It was one, among several, musicals and classical records still hidden inside. It is hard to clean out a grand parent's residence of 20+ years, but we are lucky she is still around. So many things and pictures need explanations, and I've had the pleasure of hearing them straight from her mouth.

After (in my room):

But, it all hasn't been fun and games. We have come across many gross and sad possessions, some destroyed by mold and others belonging to my grandfather before he died almost 30 years ago. A large portion of the objects are being donated, which is both sad and cleansing.

Despite how hard and sometimes dirty this job can be, I am so grateful I got to come home and do it! I have learned more about my family. I feel a sense of accomplishment. And, I am grateful to be with my grandmother while she is doing much better. I am so unbelievably thankful.

The Next Chapter

Have you ever been scared you will turn into one of your parents, both, or some other relative?

If your answer is yes, then you understand where I'm coming from. If your answer is no, then you must be adopted. It is the only genetic and logical way for you to feel otherwise.

Well, I was not adopted.

(However, there was a period when I did question my paternity. At the ripe age of 13 my mom decided to inform me of the 'middle' marriage, in between my sisters' dad and my brother's (and my) dad. That caused enough teen-age angst to stop conversation with her for a week.)

Besides dreaming of being adopted myself, I have vowed, since an equally early age, to adopt my own children. No matter how good looking, smart, artistic, athletic (I could go on) they may be, there are too many children in the world who need parents. There are plenty of unwanted children suffering from irresponsibility and neglect. It may sound pretentious, but I would rather help just one of those kids, than procreate.

...And, that is where the subject of today's blog comes in...parents. It's horrific to see what generation after generation fails to observe. We are exactly like our predecessors, so if we just stop multiplying, there may be some hope.

Fatalist? Maybe.

Daughter? Yes.

My grandmother, as you may already know, is very ill with depression. It is the reason I am home to clean out her 20+ year old apartment and spend some time with her. It is a depression that may have begun during her worries as a child of the Depression. Ironic? I think not. Unfortunately, however, this is a trait that has been passed down from generation to generation. The 'Lurie Worry' as my dad likes to refer to it, Lurie being her married name, my mom's maiden name, and my middle name.

As I watch my grandmother decline mentally, I realize how terrified I am of what I may become. Sure, I do yoga to let go of my anxieties, and sure, I grew up during an economic surplus, but will it all really not matter in the end? As I see her in a different light, I can't help but notice my parents in those new shadows, too.

I guess these are just the things we notice as we become more in sync with life? But, then I think of all my friends who have lost parents. They seem so eager to be just alike in their wake. Is it just another part of the 'greener on the other pasture,' or is it something else? I guess I'm stuck waiting to see, but I'm going to do my damnedest not to worry about it, anymore!