The Next Chapter

Have you ever been scared you will turn into one of your parents, both, or some other relative?

If your answer is yes, then you understand where I'm coming from. If your answer is no, then you must be adopted. It is the only genetic and logical way for you to feel otherwise.

Well, I was not adopted.

(However, there was a period when I did question my paternity. At the ripe age of 13 my mom decided to inform me of the 'middle' marriage, in between my sisters' dad and my brother's (and my) dad. That caused enough teen-age angst to stop conversation with her for a week.)

Besides dreaming of being adopted myself, I have vowed, since an equally early age, to adopt my own children. No matter how good looking, smart, artistic, athletic (I could go on) they may be, there are too many children in the world who need parents. There are plenty of unwanted children suffering from irresponsibility and neglect. It may sound pretentious, but I would rather help just one of those kids, than procreate.

...And, that is where the subject of today's blog comes in...parents. It's horrific to see what generation after generation fails to observe. We are exactly like our predecessors, so if we just stop multiplying, there may be some hope.

Fatalist? Maybe.

Daughter? Yes.

My grandmother, as you may already know, is very ill with depression. It is the reason I am home to clean out her 20+ year old apartment and spend some time with her. It is a depression that may have begun during her worries as a child of the Depression. Ironic? I think not. Unfortunately, however, this is a trait that has been passed down from generation to generation. The 'Lurie Worry' as my dad likes to refer to it, Lurie being her married name, my mom's maiden name, and my middle name.

As I watch my grandmother decline mentally, I realize how terrified I am of what I may become. Sure, I do yoga to let go of my anxieties, and sure, I grew up during an economic surplus, but will it all really not matter in the end? As I see her in a different light, I can't help but notice my parents in those new shadows, too.

I guess these are just the things we notice as we become more in sync with life? But, then I think of all my friends who have lost parents. They seem so eager to be just alike in their wake. Is it just another part of the 'greener on the other pasture,' or is it something else? I guess I'm stuck waiting to see, but I'm going to do my damnedest not to worry about it, anymore!