Calling All Saints

I'm going to need their help this November, both the NFL team and

the ethereal beings of another world.

In the mean time, enjoy the pictures from this weekend.

(Notice the orange balloons for both Halloween and the Giants)

(St. Peter and Paul Cathedral...the address is 666)

I like this building, because it reminds me of the Disney mirrors from

Snow White and the 7 Dwarfs and Beauty and the Beast.

I wonder what Alfred Hitchcock would think?

And, for no other reason than I get to live here,

even on the rainy days.

The Hills Of San Francisco

In case you do not know, it is really hill-y here. It's been great for getting me into shape, would be dangerous in an ice storm, and seems to be the direction my life has turned (that being both downhill and uphill, at the same time).

Today I received word on the grant. I did not get it. I'm let down, but looking at some of the winners I can see why I didn't win

(note: some...NOT all).

I guess the security in paying back my grad school loans and getting my foot in the door is going to have to wait.

The uphill portion of my week includes a drink with one of my best college friends tonight. Her timing couldn't be better

(mid-break-up(?) and the night of some bad news).

I wish I was in a better mood, so I could show her a good time. All I really feel like doing is curling up in a ball to sleep the week away...

Spooked

After a weekend of internalizing the B situation, hanging out with class mates, and catching up on school work, I'm feeling a little better about myself. Remembering I can survive all on my own is becoming easier and feels pretty good. I think I am growing up!! Scary!

Friday night had me pretty freaked out, but B and I came to a compromise. We are going to give it a slower, more casual, shot in a little over a week. We have a date set for the night the band (we met at) is playing.

The best news is that I'm not the reason B is spooked. It seems the last year I took learning all about myself, is actually what he's in the middle of now. I hope he can figure out what's important soon. I like him enough to wait...but, I'm just not sure how long.

Untitled

The honeymoon just ended...

B basically broke up with me.

He's taking the weekend to discover whether he has time to spend with someone on a regular basis, or not. I really like him, so while we haven't known each other long, I am pretty upset.

In an email entitled by my own mother:

Frogs: We have to kiss a lot of them.

B is home this weekend, actually called me from the airport with the bad news. M & T helped analyze the situation for me, but the outcome does not look good.

I guess the San Francisco fall gloom has officially set in. With school becoming tougher, a part time job started, and a lover...something's gotta give, right?

Worn Blogger, Wanton Sex Goddess

I may not be the one with the 'super powers,' but I deserve at least 1/2 of the credit. It does take two to tango, as they say...

Another night of un-godly pleasures. This man is un-freaking-believable. I can't give him all the credit, though. I mean I have been studying up on my 77 sex moves (thanks Cosmo blog), for I dunno....like a year?!

B leaves for a weekend at home tomorrow, so I'm glad we could fit a little play time into our busy schedules. And, besides literally opening up, he also did some of the figurative kind, too. No matter how ungirly I try to be, the honesty just makes me weak in the knees. I think I'll miss him this weekend, but let's face it...My ladybits need a rest!

Cloudy With A Chance of Happiness

Today is the first day of the rainy season. A mist of sprinkles surrounds the cloudy San Francisco skyline, but it's sunny and warm in my soul.

Living with two guys (despite their sexual preferences) is wearing on me, especially when I come home to a sink full of dishes everyday. So, after a mild expression of my frustrations Friday, B took me out, away from my troubles at home.

We wined and dined together, even running into my friend L, who I had dinner with the night before. We spent the night together, and the next morning, post-grocery run, B made me breakfast. I rushed off to a yoga class and continued my afternoon in a superior, productive mood.

Later that evening I met up with B and a few of his friends. I enjoyed meeting two of the musicians from the previous weekend's jazz ensemble and experienced a very drunk B for the first time....Not sure how much I loved that, but I'm sure I'm not a whole lot better. I stayed over again, because for now our time together is only weekends, and next weekend he'll be home.

We woke up, got bagels, and went for a long walk in the dreary Sunday, stay-all-day-in-bed weather. As we talked about my dream dog (I saw one earlier in the week) and the beautiful Victorian homes we'd like to own one day, I realized just how much I like this guy. I can verify he likes me back, but now the challenge is making these feelings last.

Hope the rain doesn't wash it all away, but for now my feelings are here to stay...

Love Is In The Air

I'm going through each day's malaise daydreaming about B. I told him we need to take it slow, but I think I like him a lot...uh, oh. I'm in trouble.

8 Degrees of Seperation

On Friday night B came over. After a bottle of wine, some cheese, conversation, and a movie there is no longer a debate on whether he likes me, we're dating, or his junk size. B and I enjoyed a pretty sleepless night together...literally breaking my bed.

Saturday we both had friends in town, so he left, and I worked on making myself presentable. My friends were actually two guys from my ex's band and one of their friends. One of the two guys is the person who introduced me to B and lives in Berkley. I showed them around, and then we grabbed beers and burgers down the street from my apartment. I brought them to my favorite cliff for a view, and then they came over for more drinks. It wasn't until B showed up two hours later that things got awkward.

My room mates, guests, B, and I were just hanging around drinking. I could tell B was a little uncomfortable. We left shortly after he arrived for a bar in the mission. At the bar we met up with a bunch of their friends(Their, in this case meaning B and my friends from out of town). It turns out even in SF, everyone knows everyone. It was at this point in the night, B decided to confront me...

He started just asking how I knew them, and before long my entire ex-saga was out on the table. Humiliated, I sat there and drank my beer. B pretended to let it roll off, but I know it was bothering him.

We went to their friend's jazz gig down the street, ate some mexican, and then headed home. Well, I headed to B's. We spent another night together, attempting actual sleep this time.

This morning he brought up the whole ex thing again. I'm not exactly sure what he's so curious about, but I'm not positive I'm ready for him to know so much. It's all getting so serious so fast. And, now that he's made some of the connections, I'm worried what he'll think of me.

I really like B. He treats me well. He's smart. He's attractive. A total nerd. And, he's humble. I'm just terrified of getting hurt again, and I'm not ready for a future husband.

Pearls of Wisdom

I had a mini melt down today, and as always my mom was there...thousands of miles away...listening.

Sometimes her idea of listening is closer to an inquisitive devil's advocate. But, today she understood. I'm not going into my personal problems, because they are trivial in the larger scheme of life. But, this is what she had to say:

'The only constant in life is that it keeps changing.'

I'm not convinced she was the first person to say this. It had to be Plato, Einstein, or somebody, right?! But, there is so much truth in these words.

My life has changed so much every day, for what seems like years. And, as I grow up (despite all my efforts to remain faithful to Peter Pan and the Lost Boys) it becomes more clear. It is up to me to keep up with life, life is not keeping up with me...it's leading the way, along a path, that one day ends.

The 6 Week Blues

I'm nearing my 6th week here, and just like many times before I'm feeling a little blue. The novelty, excitement, and free time start to wear away, and I'm left missing home, friends, and family.

School is starting to intensify, so I'm trying to relax and stay on track. I've seen an improvement in my art skills already, which is really gratifying. But, I'd be lying if I didn't say it's exhausting. Hours spent drawing leaves me with little energy for physical activity, which probably isn't helped by skipped meals. Not just poverty is the cause for what I like to call Artist Anorexia.

I'm looking forward to another busy weekend with a few college friends. Haven't heard from B all week, so I'm more confused than ever on that front. Either he makes moves at a snails pace, he's just not that into me, or he only wants to be friends. Whatever will be, will be...I guess? I shouldn't even be thinking about it, but I can't say it wouldn't be nice if he called.

* Sometimes wishes really do come true....shortly after writing this, I got a text from B.

'You Say It's Your Birthday?!'

'It's my birthday, too...yeah

They say it's your birthday

We're gonna have a good time

I'm glad it's your birthday?'

And, it's not just the lyrics to a Beatle's song.

During a total of 12 hours with B yesterday, we discovered we share

the

exact

same

birthday?!

I had to look at his license before I believed him.

Same month. Same day. Same year.

I think we are both a little weirded out by this. He's actually calling his mom today to find out exactly what time he was born, so we can verify we are indeed not twins separated at birth. He also used his mathematical genius to calculate that if the average life time is 70 years we are 1 of 500,000 with that birthday.

At least I have someone to share a birthday party with, right?...

Can someone verify that this isn't strange and incestuous, please?!