Bridget Jones Aint Got Nothin On Me

Nobody said the magic words...

'I like you, just the way you are.'

But, it was close enough. Ok, it wasn't close at all, but I'll take it!

After asking me about my New Years plans, B proposed I come with him. In response to my disclaimer on the price of the tickets he said...

'As a bday/xmas gift, I can definitely cover the cost for us getting in (if you wanna make dinner some time, we'll call it square).'

Instead of Mr. Darcy, perhaps I should start calling him Big?

How easy for him to just write off the cost for two very expensive New Year's Eve tickets?! And, how lucky for me?! This is the most expensive gift I've ever received from a gentle-fellow, especially one whom I'm supposedly only 'casually' dating. The feminist inside is having trouble swallowing her ego. But, at least he's giving me an opportunity to kill him with a meal cooked by yours truly?!

And, just when 'Mr. I don't want a relationship' starts acting interested, guess who else does?

Yep, the ex.

Haven't we already done this?

This time I had to hear it, so I choked down my pride and asked why he was contacting me.

'Because he wants to know I am doing well and happy.'

Huh? Funny he didn't care about me when my life was up in flames? And, equally interesting that he mentioned talking to people about me, my work, and my whereabouts. I have not and may not ever reciprocate.

I was surprisingly numb to the entire experience and perhaps it is in part because of my current beau. But, if we are to take B out of the equation, perhaps it is more about my growth as a lover, artist and friend over the last 2 years. I love the reflection time at the end of the year, especially when it starts feeling like everything, in the end, may pay off.

Yes, We're Going To A Party Party!

Friday night my parentals, sister, and I celebrated my birth with drinks at Cure and dinner at Patois. An absinthe and gin cocktail plus moules frites at dinner put me over the edge! Bliss.

The third food coma of my vacation ensued shortly there after.

Saturday was the real party! Innocently enough I happen to mention to 20, or so, people that I'd be going out for my birthday. I wasn't expecting to actually see more than about 5. Apparently my birthday was just a great excuse for a mini-high-school reunion and bar crawl. Needless to say, I saw way too many people, drank way too much alcohol, and stayed out way past my bedtime...in other words, I had a great night!

Turkey Baby

The pie turned out pretty tasty!

I can't really say the same for the dinner conversation. Another year, and, despite my improved attitude there is little hope for a normal thanksgiving in my house. Or, maybe it is normal, since none of us get along?

My puppy, who thinks I'm her litter-mate (judging by her reaction to me at the airport), has been my saving grace. She was without a doubt the most pleased to see me, and has kept me occupied, allowing me to stay out of as much drama, as possible.

Tomorrow's my birthday and the only hype I'm gearing up for is a celebration with my friends on Saturday night. Hopefully the last few months have been an indication of a better year ahead. And, I'm thankful for another year with my grandmother, living in a beautiful city, a beau in my life, amazing friends, and the independence to live my life in the happiest way I can.

MANipulation (the saga continues)

After playing it cool for a few days I did what every friend told me not to do, and thank goodness I did. I agreed to meet B for a drink.

Thursday night we met around 9 at a place aptly called La Trappe. I was bursting with confidence, repeating a mantra of 'What do I want? What do I expect? What can I compromise?,' and tottering around in my 3 inch heels.

B was there when I arrived and we headed downstairs to the trendier part of the restaurant and bar. There was a quick apology about Sunday from B, after we sat down. But, I knew he hadn't eaten dinner yet and felt a little on edge myself. I decided to see where the conversation went and breech the confrontational part after at least half my drink. We ordered beers from the vast Belgian beer selection, fries, and B got a beer-braised rabbit stew.

It took a very long time for our food to arrive, but we were having great conversation. I haven't laughed that hard in a while. So, one beer turned to two, and by the time the check came I was ready to lay it all on the table.

First I tackled the Sunday situation. It turns out he had no intention of messing with me, he's just an idiot. He informed me that in the future he'd rather I call straight away to save confusion, grief, and honesty. Then we moved on to what was going on between us, and where it is going. Apparently B has never casually dated. So, we came up with our definition of what we expect from one another and how we are going to work it. How very adult? The best part of the discussion came when B said, '...You deserve a lot of attention, I know I can't give you that right now, and I don't want to hurt you.' (music to my ears)

Our treaty states that 'we will see each other every other week (although more often is always welcome, just not required), we will talk at least once a week, when we have an issue, or want to change the terms, we immediately speak up, and we are free to date other people.' The best part is that I have a guaranteed date with someone I really enjoy, the freedoms of single girl life, and knowing that regardless the two of us will be friends.

I was weak in the knees by the end of the evening. B looked especially handsome, we were both fairly intoxicated, and when he left it was just a kiss on the cheek. But, I'm pretty sure I started to melt. I've decided he doesn't mean harm; he's just really clueless sometimes. And, when I wake up the next morning to a text telling me what a good time he had, too, I know I'm not imagining everything.

Curve Ball

So I'm officially no longer living in Black & White or Color...IT IS GRAY!!! 7 shades of gray according to my drawing scales.

I just received a text from B.

Is this guy kidding?!!!

Buddy, Save the Drama for ya Mama. This chic can NOT handle this.

Since when did boys become more complicated than girls?!!!

Where In The World Did My Mojo Go?

So, I'm home from a long day in Berkeley. It was a hot day as we made our way through campus and town. Much like Bloomington there is a main street with stores, restaurants, and hipply clad college students. We saw the exhibit which turned out to be sort of a bust, but then again it was free...

The main purpose of the expedition was to see photographs of the Beatles from 'Mad Day Out.' Turns out there were about 20 photographs. They were really interesting shots, and while there weren't many; they said so much about each Beatle individually. We practically broke into the building to see them, so it was reward enough even though there were few.

Aside from today, I had drinks last night and was supposed to hear from B about a possible rendez-vous tonight. I obviously did not. If he didn't want to see me, why not just say so?! I don't plan on contacting him in the near future, so consequentially guess that is over. I would love an explanation or closure, but that probably requires balls he doesn't have.

So, I'm back on the shelf with all the other goodies. Only lately I don't feel myself. My happy-go-lucky man getting powers seem to have disappeared along with B's interest in me. Should I go around taking bizarre pictures of myself like the Beatles? How did Stella get her groove back? And, if not how...when?

Whirlwind of a Week

Basic recap of the following week:

More confusion after not hearing from B.

Canadian visitor Monday and Tuesday.

Dinner with Canadian visitor and room mate at Flora in the Fillmore.

Got sick.

Broke down and texted B.

Slept.

Trying to be patient. (Found my New Year's Resolution)

Slept some more.

Feeling a little better.

Looking forward to my 1st trip to Berkeley tomorrow!

Dazed & Confused

Wednesday night was the reunion with B.

He picked me up, he bought me a drink, and he took me home...all things that would imply 'date' to anyone normal. But, he never mentioned what happened 2 weeks ago, or what is going to happen in the future?!

What he did mention was that he brewed some beer for me to try, wants to take me surfing again, and that he's been transferred to the San Fran office for Fridays every week(meaning 2 hours of commute eliminated once a week).

The evening ended when he dropped me off at home, with only the suggestion that I let him know when I am free next, an awkward hug, and that it was great to see me.

What the HELL does this all mean?!

I'm just as much in the dark now, as ever!