Big Apple Core

It’s only fitting that on my last day in NYC I sat alone, at a starbucks, drawing and musing over the latest issue of Vogue. There is a spread of Jack White and Karen Elson, photographed by Annie Leibowitz, which was the #1 reason I bought the magazine. I love this article, not only because my favorite rock star flanks the pages, but because it is about Karen’s new record and her road to self-discovery. Who wouldn’t want their stories of failures, accomplishments, and passion shared with the rest of the world, while posing in couture gowns with your husband and friends?!

I couldn’t help but ponder my last few inspiring moments of my year in NYC. Alone. Content. And Dreaming of my future. The feeling of confidence I spent 10 months searching for had suddenly appeared, in an instant, accompanied by revelations of destiny and what it means to me. I (perhaps temporarily) no longer felt that the pinnacle of my existence was a 22 year span of success, that within the last year abruptly changed to a life of failure. I had something I didn’t believe existed anymore…I had hope.

I was sad to leave NY, but unexpectedly excited, too. What’s next?...hopefully something great, but equally bad. If nothing else I have learned that the bad can not be ignored, but only received kindly. I will no longer ignore death, sadness, and broken hearts, but confront them head on, with an open mind and an open heart, My views may not change, but I understand how these experiences are what make us whole, or balanced.

The true meaning behind the slogan ‘If you can make it in NY, you can make it anywhere,’ is not about money, fame, and fortune. It is about surviving the ‘struggle.’ My Struggle. It is the process of being alone, learning, and surviving. It is the journey.

…And for now, my journey there has ended.